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Humor Without Thinking
A sense of humor can serve
you well in life. It has been scientifically proven to improve
your health as well as your relationships. It can break the ice
in new relationships and get you out of trouble at times...unless
you're at the airport.
Just last month I was in the airport
feeling pretty chipper. I had plenty of time and I was feeling
rested. As I approached the screening area, I handed the agent my
ID and boarding pass to the agent. He asked, "What is your final
destination?" Without thinking, (and this is where is
usually goes horribly wrong) I smiled and said, "Heaven!" He then
motioned for me to move over to the "special screening" area. So
much for having plenty of time.
Last year I had another security
screening problem when I forgot to remove a large pair of scissors from
my book bag. I had used them earlier that day to cut a bunch
of string and simply forgot to pack them in my checked luggage.
As I went through screening, the agent motioned for me to step to the
side so he could go through my bags. Before beginning, he asked
if there was anything dangerous in my bag. I quickly said
no. He then reached in and took out a Tae Kwon Do book that I had
been using to study for my purple belt test that week, and asked, "Do
you plan on using this today?" Without thinking, I
jokingly made a blocking and punching move and said, "Only if I need
to." He didn't crack a smile. He just reached in my bag and
pulled out the giant daggers and again asked, "Do you plan on using
these today?" My expressions dropped and I very seriously said,
"No sir."
Fortunately, or unfortunately, my
warped sense of humor runs deep within my bloodlines and my children
have inherited my "gift" of sarcasm. When our family was
returning from Mexico this past January, we had a little
encounter. As we entered the customs area to have our passports
checked, the agent bent down to my eight-year-old, Bailey's, eye-level,
pointed to my husband, Kirk, and asked her, "Who is this
man?" Without thinking, she smiled and said, "Some
stranger we picked up on a beach in Mexico!" She looked at
me with pride in her face, knowing she was funny, but I had a look of
panic on mine. Would this man think we had kidnapped Bailey
and that we were trying to smuggle her over the boarder? Would
they haul Kirk off to prison and now my children would have to visit
him behind the glass wall on holidays?
Luckily, this agent had a sense of
humor and let us go after checking our passports one more time and
asking Taylor, our fourteen-year-old a few serious questions.
While humor is a great tool, like operating any heavy machinery, you must engage the brain when using!
WISE CRACKS!
A
man went in to see his doctor regarding a very strange problem with his
leg. He told the doctor, "Listen to my thigh, you'll hear the
problem." The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh
and heard, "I need twenty bucks. I've got to have twenty
bucks."
The doctor was shocked and said he had never seen or
heard anything like this. The man then told the doctor to listen
to his knee. As the doctor leaned in he heard, "I need ten
dollars. I've got to have just ten dollars." The man asked
the doctor to please help him figure out what was going on.
The doctor stood up with a confident look on his face
and said, "It's actually quite simple. Based on all my
experiences, I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in two
places."
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Before leaving for one of my recent trips, I called
the hotel and asked if there was a gym there.
The receptionist sighed and said, "We have hundreds of guests
here, does Jim have a last name?"
---------------
I eventually met and married Mr.
Right. It was only after the wedding that I found out that his
first name was ALWAYS! ~Rita Rudner
---------------
Women don't want to hear what you think. Women
want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice. ~Bill
Cosby
TRIVIA
1. What common snack was first associated with Easter?
A.
Raisins B.
Pretzels C.
Peanuts D. Cold Pizza
2. In the early 1500's the "Easter Bunny" became a symbol of Easter. Where did this come from?
A.
Japan B.
Switzerland C.
Germany D. New Jersey
3. How did ham become the traditional favorite for Easter dinner?
A. It is what the Pilgrims ate on their first Easter in America
B. President Lincoln declared ham to be the official Easter meat
C. In pre-refrigeration days hogs were slaughtered in the fall and cured for 6-7 months--just in time for Easter
D. Hams are born in the spring
4. Where did the idea of an "Easter basket" come from?
A. The early American Indians gave them as gifts to the Pilgrims
B. An ancient Chinese custom was to deliver sweets in a basket
C. An ancient catholic custom was to take the food for Easter dinner to mass in a basket to be blessed
D. Sam Walton
Listening Makes You More Attractive
At a recent party I observed the power of listening
in action. There was a man, who was very intelligent by most
people's standards. A physician and a world traveler, he had
plenty to talk about. As this dinner party progressed, I noticed
the bored look on several faces (my own included) as he chatted the
night away.
Across the room was another man who had a
group of very excited conversationalists surrounding
him. As I walked over to this group, I noticed the
difference immediately. He was asking interesting questions of
his audience and they were doing all the talking...about
themselves.
Roxanne Roberts, a social columnist for the Washington Post, told a funny story about listening. Legend
has it, British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli and his political
rival, William Gladstone had a date with the same woman on different
nights. When asked her impression of the two men, she said, "When
I left the dining room after sitting with Mr. Gladstone, I thought he
was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting with Mr.
Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England. He
was wonderful!"
Practice placing your focus on others this month and see how interesting you become!
That's a Lot of Chocolate!
Some folks in Belgium have just set a new world's
record for the largest chocolate egg. It is 27 ft. high and 21
ft. across. It weighs 4,300 pounds and is made up of 50,000
chocolate bars! That is enough to satisfy even the biggest sweet tooth.
Does Your Easter Basket Need a Makeover?
You don't have to fill those baskets with broccoli
and brussel sprouts to give them a health boost. Here are some tips
from the American Dietetic Association:
- Instead of sugar, creme, or caramel filled eggs,
choose peanut butter filled so your loved one is getting a little
protein--and it is usually low in saturated fats.
- Instead of regular jelly beans, choose Skittles or Starburst beans. They have some vitamin C in them.
- Try a dark chocolate bunny. It has more antioxidents and less fat than the milk chocolate version.
- Go for chocolate covered pretzels instead of
plain chocolate. Because there is only a thin layer of chocolate, there
is less fat and they are considered by some to resemble a person with
arms crossed in prayer at Easter time.
Live Like You Were Dying!
In January I said to write me and tell me the things
you were going to do so that you could live like you were dying. I
am excited for those of you who are doing something new. Pushing
yourself out of that comfort zone. Not making excuses any
longer. I have to tell you that I did start learning
Spanish again, but I did not begin piano lessons yet, because soccer
season started and the teacher could not get me in a time slot that did
not interfere with my shuttle schedule for soccer practice. She
said it is possible in May when school gets out. Okay here are
some other folks we need to celebrate:
- Kelly in Portland is taking swimming lessons for the first time in her life! Way to go Kelly!
- Mark in California is mending a relationship
with his brother before it is too late! Great job Mark. You
inspire me.
- Susan in Colorado is booking a trip to Europe for her and her hubby. Awesome! Susan is living BIG.
If you have been putting off learning something new
or doing something you have always wanted to do, send me an e-mail so I
can cheer you on and help to hold you accountable by letting the world
know what you are doing. If you are new to our "random" family,
go to my website www.SchreckTalk.com read January's Random Thoughts, and then send me a message.
 Tony the Toenail & Other Stories to Inspire
A collection of favorite stories like Tony the
Toenail, "Beauty in your own backyard" along with plenty of new stories
like Unc and Tale with Two Sides. If you are tired of chicken
soup but love a good story, this will hit the spot!
Marriage Mechanic 
Does your relationship need a "Tune Up?"Get ready for
Sparks with Marriage Mechanics Marriage Mechanics: A Tune Up for the
Highway of Love
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ASK BOB 
A Regular Column on Relationships by Man's Best Friend
Q: I have
been married for five years, and I feel as if my husband and
I have become more like roommates
than lovers. We both work and have separate sets of
friends. We don't seem to have a lot in common any
more. Lately I feel very unhappy and after talking to a few of my
girlfriends (who have successfully left unhappy relationships) I feel
that I deserve to be happy and want to leave this relationship.
Am I wrong to seek happiness?
A: First
I have to tell you that "Desperately Seeking Happiness" must be in
the air--I have heard this at least five times this month. Is it
the pollen clogging everyone's head or is it the television programs
that continue to feed the minds of Americans who think
they can find happiness that lasts every day of their lives?
Secondly, why are you seeking advice from a person who has not
experienced success in making her relationship work? That is like
asking a homeless person for financial advice.
Happiness is a feeling that comes and goes--just like hunger or anger or sadness. Happiness is based on what is happening
to you. You cannot expect to be "happy" all the time, even
dogs know that. I mean, I am happy when friends come to visit
with small children because I know they are bound to throw a morsel or
two my way, and I am happy when I ride in the car or when we go for a
walk, but those are feelings and they won't last forever. I have
to keep creating "happy moments." If you are not "happy" it
is because you are not creating moments to be "happy" about.
Married couples find it more difficult
to experience happiness after awhile because of the everydayness
of life. You have bills to pay, plumbing problems, issues with
children. Of course pets can bring pure happiness to your
life every single day. (Kirk just said if you would like, he can
deliver this happiness to your doorstep. I don't know what he
means by that though.) Dating couples are more
likely to experience happiness because they act in a positive,
"happy" manner when they are together. Before looking for that
happy feeling in another yard, let's look at some ways to create that
feeling right in your own home.
Agree to spend at least the first
30 -minutes when you first get home at night, talking about
pleasant things. Enjoy being together. Make "coming
home" something you look forward to instead of dreading it. Tell
each other one funny thing that happened that day or give each other a
ten minute . Agree not to nag, criticize or yell at each
other. Set aside specific times to discuss "non-fun"
subjects. "Can we spend 30-minutes discussing a problem we are
having with little Johnny around 7:00 tonight?" Another
important ritual most married couples stop doing, is dating. To
continue creating positive memories and happy feelings, you must
intentionally plan for them. You should be having "date
night" once a week. Even if your date is preparing a
special "kid-free" dinner a little late one night to
sit, hold hands and talk about fun times. Maybe a late night
"happy hour" just the two of you. And if any of that "special
dinner" happen to fall to the floor, I would be happy to stop by and pick it up for you.
Bob "Barker" is the faithful companion to
the Schreck family and resides in Littleton, Colorado. Like most dogs,
Bob is a relationship expert and would love to answer your questions.
Just send mail to Bob@schrecktalk.com
HELPFUL HINTS
From America's Favorite Domestic Diva
1. Do you have shoes that could be used in chemical
warfare? If those smelly sneakers are getting too ripe, simply
place a fabric softener sheet in each shoe and they will be springtime
fresh the next day!
2. With warm weather quickly approaching, ants aren't
far behind. Since ants don't like peppermint (or most mint for
that matter) grind and sprinkle those left over candy canes around the
outside of your home to send those ants packing to the north pole.
3. To grow the juiciest tomatoes this summer,
add some powdered milk to their water. The calcium
nourishes the plants and helps prevent blossom end rot.
TIME FOR EGGS!
With Easter coming this weekend, here are a few EGGciting tips:
1. To see if your eggs are fresh, place the egg in a
pan of cold water. If it stands up this is a BAD egg. If it lays
flat in the pan it's a GOOD egg!
2. Keep your raw eggs in the carton they come in instead of placing them in a plastic tray in your refrigerator.
3. You do not have to wash eggs before cooking with
them. Government regulations require that USDA graded eggs be
carefully washed and sanitized before packaging.
4. Hard-boiled eggs can be kept for up to 7 days
in your refrigerator and raw eggs are good for 3-5 weeks after
purchase.
5. Don't eat any egg that has been out of the refrigerator for more than 2 hours.
Get a Job!
If you don't want your teenager sitting around
the house all summer with nothing to do, here are some simple interview
tips to help them get a head start on that job hunt and have an
advantage over their peers.
- Start looking now! Most
employers begin hiring before summer break, so the early bird truly
does get the job! Go out looking even while still in school.
- Dress the part! Don't go
in with torn jeans that are sagging around your knees or belly shirts
that look more like swimwear. Cover or remove excessive
piercings, unless you are interviewing at the Piercing Pagoda.
Always error on the side of being too conservative when job
hunting. Even if you are allowed to wear these fashion "trends,"
your goal is usually to impress the interviewer with your skills and
personality, not your cutting-edge fashion sense.
- Practice your responses.
This may sound silly, but role-playing with your teen before they head
out to pound the pavement will really help. Practice shaking
hands firmly. Look the interviewer in the eyes and respond with
strong statements. Think of specific duties that show
responsibility (babysitting), trustworthiness (housesitting), and
leadership ability (high school teams).
Now is also a good time to help your teen set some realistic goals around saving some of that hard-earned cash!
P O W
(Pearls of Wisdom)
"The saddest words ever spoken or penned are the four little words--It Might Have Been!"
"Man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter." ~Joseph Addison
"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the winter fro the human face." ~Victor Hugo
Monthly Challenge!
Today is a Gift--Enjoy the Present!
Last week I read an article on Mindfulness, an
Eastern meditative practice that causes you to really live in the
moment. I thought back to an inscription I read on a bench years
ago near a grave site. It read: Yesterday is History,
Tomorrow's a Mystery, but Today is a Gift and that's why they call it
the PRESENT. I decided to try being "mindful" for an entire
day focusing on the moment I was in. It was an amazing
experience. Try it and let me know your results:
1.Pay attention to every detail. Instead of
gulping down that coffee or eating just to get it over with, savor the
flavors. Pay attention to textures and feelings as you eat or
drink. You will find that you eat less and enjoy it more--feeling
more satisfied.
2. Sit for a moment and pay attention to the world
around you. The ground beneath your feet, the cushion of the
chair you are sitting in. The breath you are drawing in.
What is the temperature of the air around your body at that very
moment?
I found this to be a great stress-buster. Don't
send so much time thinking about tomorrow or next week. Quit
worrying about what happened yesterday. Live in the moment and
enjoy the PRESENT!
Answers to Trivia
1. B The pretzel
was associated with Easter because it resembled a person with arms
crossed in prayer.
2. C Germany
3. C Hogs were slaughtered in the fall and cured for 6-7 months
4. C Ancient Catholic tradition was to bring your food in a basket to be blessed
© 2005
Feel free to forward this to all of your friends, family members and even those you don’t particularly care for!
It may not be sung in a high school
play, written in sand on beaches west of Belize or photocopied without
our permission though, so for reprint permission, please call
303-978-0887.
"Random Thoughts" is a monthly email distributed by The Pinnacle Group & SchreckTalk Keynotes. www.Schrecktalk.com |